bewilderbrain

Lose weight, read more, learn a language, walk 10,000 steps a day, take up kick-boxing…are new years resolutions good or bad?

In recent years there has been something of a wellness tide against the idea of a new year resolution.

The scepticism states that our unrealistic expectations can be perilous to our overall health, in particular, the damage to self-esteem when they disappear alongside a large doughnut on January 14th.

A particular concern are those resolutions that are corrective in nature…

I must be thinner
I must be more organised
I must spend less money
I must stop eating cake and eat lots of sprouts
I must have a firmer bottom…

These resolutions are moving rebukes, amendments of perceived faults in a sort of new year self-flagellation. And they are as inspiring as a poached mince pie.

There is the other end of the resolution spectrum too, of course, the aiming sky high and re-inventing yourself entirely, whether you are completing astronomical feats of academic learning, attaining millionaire status in months, running multi terrain marathons every day, or taking an expedition around the arctic circle on a penny farthing… We all have different levels of aspiration…

And in considering whether resolutions are good or bad, and before we laugh sniffily at those of gargantuan proportion, we should consider that some of these ideas, these feats… will succeed.

If we didn’t have handfuls of people who aimed high, and achieved the unthinkable, the parameters of human experience would be vastly impoverished. If the new year can be a catalyst for inspiration, or meaningful change, we should be holding the door wide open to those that can instigate it…

A seasonal, and natural compulsion to reflect and resolve…

Whilst the concept of completely re-inventing your entire life experience at the dawn of the year, in particular with strict and inflexible new plans or boundaries, may be setting you up for a fall – there is a reality here which cannot be overlooked.

The turning of the year is a crux, a mental turnstile, that it feels counterintuitive to ignore…

In many ways, the jaded sparkling, cheese filled quiet utopia of post Christmas seems like the most ridiculous time of the year for new starts or “clean slates”

But this depends on our approach and our understanding of a new start…

At the turn of the year, our senses are primed to the almost jarring effect (to those who visualise the months) of the calendar jumping unnaturally from the deep black of December to the sudden vast white openness of January, right back at the fresh start of the year, like cold flat plains without end, in equal parts intimidating and inspiring.

The seasonal jolt of the turn of new year is acutely felt, and to tune into this is in our nature.

Our ancestors lived in much closer harmony with their landscapes and the changing seasons, with events and celebrations determined by the natural turning points of nature and the movements of the sun.

While the Gregorian calendar has only been around in the relatively modest earthly spell of around 500 years; calendars in general, based on our understanding and analysis of the solar cycle, have been with us since the bronze age.

Our senses, our understanding of time and the rhythms of life are connected to the seasons and months of the year, and the 1st of January is imbued in our cultural consciousness as a shift with powerful impact.

January arrives shortly after the winter solstice, the darkest point of the year, which hits us among the buffering lights and sparkles of Christmas. The ancient traditions of bringing evergreens, candlelight, and yule logs into the home during this period were intended to signify life amongst the darkness, and the modern day Christmas festival of lights amplifies tenfold our fierce desire not to submit to the long night.

When January arrives, the grasp of icy fingers is at its strongest – we are at the the turning point where the winter’s depths seem to slow the very air around us.

This seasonal slowing – nature’s inertia – pulls us to look inwards. To recover from the whirlwind of the Christmas season, and allow ourselves acceptance, reflection, inspiration, from the stripped bare world, and from ourselves.

The dark of January is a quiet and nurturing place, simultaneously sheltered and open. It allows us to still, to look around with unhurried curiosity and less judgement, to observe and repair our energy, to notice previously unobserved pinpricks of light in quiet corners.

(See also The 10 second brain spa – micro mindfulness to calm and fuel the brain)

January is a month of quiet magic, where, if we can respect and observe its slower pace, we can allow new ideas to germ and bud, thoughts to untangle, new pathways to reveal themselves through the dark winter woods…

We need to honour this opportunity.

Just not with the offering of a new exercise bike.

But how do we do this in practice? Where are we going wrong?

“New years resolutions are doomed to fail”

Overall data tells us that many new years resolutions are “unsuccessful”.

That many last for no longer than a few weeks.

That people mistakenly believe the coming of the new year will imbue them with a resilience and fortitude which will render the previously unacheivable suddenly within their reach.

That it will, in essence, change their very nature.

The subsequent failure to adhere to their new years vision then crushes them, and they are faced with not only a confirmation, but in many cases a multiplication, or concentration, of the perceived character or life inadequacies they were trying to rectify.

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”

I think we have all done this. But the nuance missed by this famous quote, often wrongly attributed to Albert Einstein, is the idea of practice and of learning.

Even if we are trying to learn a new skill using the same lesson for the seventh time, the brain and the experience that arrives at each new lesson will never be the same as the last one.

We evolve with failure more than success. “Failure” in so much as you can tolerate the concept, is a process, not an end result.

With some things, we can get better with repeated attempts.

And maybe it is our attitude towards ourselves in our manner, of crossing the hurdle, rather than the hurdle itself, that is the real obstacle…

Re-imagining the new years resolution

Over the years, I have personally tried on all the resolution hats out there, and not always just for New Year. Having ADHD, my desire to re-invent is strong and constant, and so also is the helpful tendency to self-flagellation.

I have done standard fitness or diet reboots, academic, spiritual, social challenges. Straightforward competition (how many books can I read, or films can I watch this year – you gotta love a list) As well as years where I have aimed for more complete life changes, and those where I have deliberately attempted more modest goals.

I have also tried on the hat of deliberately having no new years resolutions, which is, in its own way of course, a resolution in its own right.

Last year, in 2025, I set myself two goals.

1 – Don’t weigh myself all year.

2 – Be nicer to myself.

My capsule review of goal 1 is this: I put on a stone.

Like so many people, weight has been an on again off again obsession, mental health problem, and general cause of consternation all my life.

I have always hated its power to have so much influence, and sought ways to lessen its hold, and to develop a healthier relationship with food.

Not weighing myself was an attempt not to seek verification or condemnation from a mechanical device, whose variance in number for the most part is probably not even noticeable to others, and even if it is, it’s hardly the point.

My plan was to check that I was not becoming significantly less healthy by trying on the same pair of pyjama trousers at periodic intervals throughout the year. What could possibly go wrong?

Well, nothing. Nothing actually has.

I put on weight last year because I had a difficult year, I did some comfort eating, I did lots of hanging in there while things were difficult.

Am I delighted that I have put on weight and the pyjama trousers no longer fit? No, I assuredly am not.

But what I am delighted about is this.

Resolution number 2 – Be kinder to myself.

Resolution number 2 has allowed me to be kind to myself about the somewhat open-ended outcome of resolution 1.

Being kind to myself, as for many other people, is not something that comes easily. It is a long winding road with a lot of bumpity bits. But what I have tried to do, when I have strayed, as I often have, is to pull myself gently back onto the lane. Or to make a different lane entirely.

As long as I am being nice.

What resolution number 2 has allowed me to do is to see the funny side of the galloping pyjama bottomed outcome of resolution 1.

This year, for my health, and my walking, I will probably gently need to start losing a little weight.

I haven’t failed at anything. I don’t need to feel that I have let myself down.

I experienced obstacles last year, one of them being my own bottom…

…but I have done my best. And therefore I can be proud of that.

A post-Christmas physique that is a little more Santa than elfin is not the end of the world.

There will be days when I don’t feel like that, when I feel frustrated. But I will try, as hard as I can, not to beat myself up.

And how about that right there as a general resolution…?

I will not beat myself up…

What if we are looking less at what we might be able to achieve and more at how we can live more happily in the life we have right now…

A new year’s evolution…

In terms of resolutions, rigidity, structure and rules are not for everyone.

And actually, there is no right or wrong in any way that we choose to move forward in our new year, be it boldly, with radical change, or slowly, letting the season and our ideas absorb and nurture, so that we might better flourish as time goes on.

What matters, is how we treat and respect ourselves in this process.

Be your resolutions physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, or practical, whether it is walking more, starting a business, or being intentionally kinder to others, they must start, with honesty and good intention, from the person that you are.

Resolutions should enable at least the possibility of growth, but above all strengthening and nurturing of the self.

Those originating from the idea that there is something wrong with the real you – the actual you that exists right now – are like farts into frosty air.

They may have some potency for the briefest of moments but they will soon evaporate.

I prefer to think of new years aims and resolutions as fluid, continually evolving ideas for your life. They are aims, thoughts, dreams that you allow to be part of your atmosphere, a low-lying sunlit mist of possibilities that you keep close by.

They are guides and inspirations, rather than rules and regulations.

Sometimes we go completely off track and we imagine our resolution has failed. It has not.

We can have bad days, bad weeks, bad months, it doesn’t mean we have to let our ideas and resolutions go. (see also- Kind of Blue – duelling the dead eyed dullard of depression)

We can come back, gently, kindly, from wherever we are at this moment right now.

It doesn’t matter what date you start your ideas, or how much you are able to achieve in a certain time, only that you are guided by heading toward them, allowing them to change and evolve if they need to, and allowing yourself utmost grace and kindness in the process.

And whatever you do, whatever progress in any direction, whatever tiny victory – you pat yourself on the back. EVERY TIME. Because no bugger else is going to do it.

Well, okay, they might… but it sadly can’t always be relied upon, nice as it is when it comes.

YOU MUST BE KIND TO YOURSELF.

Hell, some days we need to pat ourselves on the back for getting out of bed. So do it.

That one I’m happy to sound bossy about.

Resolutions, and growth, must flow with your life. Non-linear, sometimes messy and complicated, sometimes forgotten, but never completely lost.

This kind of resolution will grow with you, falter with you, and ultimately make you more resilient over time.

And it doesn’t need to end at the passing of the year.

There is no right or wrong here to resolve.

Here’s instead to a gentle, growing, new years evolution.